Hey Daydreamer!

In my room I always think of somethings to divert my attention away from my past, something that well lessen the anguish and replace the anger with understanding. I am searching for that wisdom; that inner peace that will make me understand that things that are not meant for me at the present will come in at the right time, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not soon but at the right time. I am looking for that wisdom that will teach me I should not demand from life the things that I want but the things that I need. I am searching for that inner wheel that will fuel my understanding that I should not fall in love because I am lonely but I should fall in love because I am ready to commit. I was taken to a temple by a new acquaintance of mine to tame my bewildered soul. "There is something inside you that is bothering you, you must let it go." She said.

The monk who came to me was old and wrinkled, and I can't even figure out how he managed to walk. When he took my hand, I can feel the wisdom on the surface of his aging skin, he smiled to me and asked me what am I doing here, I said I have no idea. He turned to my new friend and asked her why...after a long talk with him, the old monk looked at me, and guided me to a room. There we sat on the floor and he offered me tea (which was "HOLY MOSES!" I cant understand the taste!). We talked and there he made me realize, that reality has its right time. He understood the pain inside me, He made me list down the things in my heart and contemplate on them, so I did so what he told me to do:

1."Why can't we be together?"

2."I am afraid to let go, will that person think of the same to?"

3."Was I ever loved?"

4."How will I mend the pain inside?"

5."Why is life so cruel?I can surrender anything but why am I not given the chance?"

And as I contemplate on them, small pictures where running in my mind. Pictures of my dreams about us, I was day dreaming (again) and my hopes are again up high that somehow we will meet along the road, that we will still end up meeting each other in this long journey, I smiled blankly in the air. A few seconds later......WAAAAAPPPAAAAAK I felt an intense pain behind my head, the monk hit me.."Wake Up!" he said...that is why your heart is in pain because your soul is attached to what is not yet ripe." I rolled my eyeballs, okay so it does but do I deserve the wack on my head? To heal my soul, he said....I need to heal it the way that only I can do...from there he made me realize that I am in pain, he made me realize that the most agonizing pain are those that are kept inside. So to release the pain, he made me sing.

and sing some more.....

But you know if I have the chance to tell you what's in my day dream? Both of us are talking whole day, we walk down the sunny hill and sit on the bridge and watch the river run. Both of us in my fantasy where laughing...under the rainy sky...playing under the drops of the rain..and in the night...we set under the waxing of the moon, pointing at the stars we wished to own...but then again, this is just my make believe reality...someone should make me realize that your just someone in my mind, your not real and in this lifetime, you will never be real....what more can I say but: