Hit me....

Okay, here I am..(depression)..again...where do I need to go? Flush down the drama inside the toilet bowl, I am a simple man...if you let go then I am as easy as "okay goodbye" type of guy... We are all in the pursuit of happiness I am in search of mine as you are in search of yours and they are in search of theirs, and I can't spend my time crying over spilled milk, not unless I will kneel down on the floor and lick it (that is reserved for my dog)...okay now what will I do?...tantadadan! MUSIC!!!!

What a better way to be saved from the bullshits of depression and sparing myself from the "I hate myself drama, that I wanna die now".....than grabbing the guitar and sing my heart out....I manage to grab an one million years old artifact from my cabin. I never recalled that I was the president of our school's music club: Guitar, banjo, ukelele, laud, violin, bass, drums, trumpets, flute, rondalla...and recalled all those dots on the music notes? Those seemingly stupid pattern which you think does not make any sense....... Yeah I can read them but a long time ago...its a language that is lost to me, I am going to practice that and maybe do a guitar-laud duet with the kid named Sungha Jung....and now that I am on the go and have the space and freedom to do things I want without the restrictions of being told I will go back"PARTY!!!!!" hit the gym, just toget the lean look back ...get a new skateboard...hit the street...do gigs..and of course be the model of photo shoot...and then hitch back to the desk and do research and this time the whole world is my toy to play with.....DO RESEARCH for Asia and the Pacific....

But please be reminded that I am doing this just to save myself of the mental agonies..a self-help distraction so that by the end of the day I wont get insomnia or cry on my sleep I will just hit the bed and sleep.....so please don't come near me with that stupid sad face and the "its okay I have been depressed all my life" crap, cause your not helping my recovery.....hahahahaha

Lesson learn: "Do not equate happily ever after with distance, economy or status....do not give high expectations to relationships....people come and people go...people change....and when your mouth cannot express the words your heart feels...then sing it...."

~Thursdays with Maurons....

"Where the Wild Things Are"

When I was young, I was my grand parent's most favorite grand child but I was my family's most least favorite kid. I have heard my father shouted at me over and over again that he disowned me, that he has no son. When I was young I was the most bruised kid in my street. I have tasted all the punishment in the world. I was been beaten by a metal leash, caged in the chicken's coop, have a red hot spoon pressed to my skin, hanged upside down, placed in a sack and hanged on a tree while smoke from the small pyre are allowed to hit the sack while I am inside making it difficult to breath, I never forget the day my dad plunged my head into a bowl of hot soup, the day he smashed my head on the wall, and the day he tried to shoot me with his own hunting gun. I never forget the day my dad punched me flat on the floor and stepped on my head, I never forget the day I prayed to die as early as possible. And I never forget the day I beg to my father to kill me instead of hurting me everyday. Yes, when I was young my father loved his roosters more than me, more than his family. when I was young my father was never a father to me, only did he realized he had a son the day I left the house and only did he realize he was once a father now that he has a grand son. I am happy to know that he is tending his grand son, because this might be his way of redeeming his past for not being a father to me and in my own perspective, I think its a good thing that he is tending to his grand son because at least he will realize the joys of taking care of a son.

Maybe this is the reason why I was so violent when I was young. I love to tease and bully other kids. My school hates me because I was mean and aggressive, they hate me because I am unkind and loves to bash everything here and there. But they do not realize that besides that bully laughter I do when I make other kids cry or hurt other people, it was my own way of telling my father "Hey dad, look at me I am here..."

When I was young I was so wild that I was so uncontrollable...I bit my mother, growl at my dad, I pull my sister's hair, I cut off their dolls head and hang it on the ceiling. Yes I am also a wild thing. That in my heart I just want to shout, scream, throw things about, get angry, cry, smash everything but I can't I just can't. I can't because I am afraid to get hurt, I am afraid of being placed inside a sack, I am afraid to be fed to the red ants, and I am afraid to be hit with his belt's buckle.

But you know what? In every hit of that belt, in every tears I cried when I was a child, in every black and blue bruises painted on my skin, I drift away in my own world where I have my own friends who can understand me, it may be imaginary but at least they gave me temporary comfort, they may not be real but deep they treated me like a real person.

After I get the black and blue bruises, I run to my tree house and hide there, and drift away from the reality to a place where I have friends who carries me around and make me laugh, to a place where every kid like me called to "Where the wild things are". I hide in my own world for days to end....

I have forgiven my dad but I have not forgotten those days he took my childhood away from me, the wounds have healed now but the scars are still there and sometimes they ache. Today, I still enjoy the childish things I do, less the hitting, less the putting inside the chicken coop, less the hanging, less the kneeling on salt and beans, less the being fed to the ants.I still enjoy running bare footed on the grassy grounds, I still enjoy climbing up the trees, I still enjoy laying on the grass at night looking at the moon and the stars pointing at the tails of the shooting stars, I still enjoy the smell of the grass and the wild flowers, I still enjoy running free and wild. Yes, I still enjoy shouting names on the cliff and hear the mountains echo it back to me, I still enjoy jumping into the river, I still enjoy the cool breeze rushing through my hair. I still enjoy, eating fruits from wild trees and stealing eggs from wild birds. I still enjoy the simple childhood games, I still enjoy flying the kite.

And this makes me realize that even though I never really had a very memorable and happy childhood memories, I never loose the child in me....and I guess this playful child, no matter where we are or who we are, is in everyone of us and is just waiting for that right moment to jump and play....

~Thursdays with Maurons

Closing Time.....

"Closing Time"

I love this song....it hit the chart 12 years ago...1 year later I met Kuya Gary...12 years after I met you <(")....

by the way this photo? It was taken 6 years ago....at 12 midnight while me, mavs, kuya gary are waiting for Japs and Cedie...I remember we were talking about what we will be when we grow old and who will we end up with...Mavs smiled cause I joke that he will stay single but his dick wont....

The Call Center Agent~Trolling on Kuya Gary~

It has been a long long long time since I troll on Kuya (Big Brother) Gary real time. Everything started when I ask him how is he going to spend his holy week, and he replied, the usual BPO industry: work, so I replied.."ok kuya gary make that Unholy Week for you"...

To be honest, I am so thankful I did not end up in the BPO, the endless nights of outsourcing, the tiring nights of receiving calls from stupid clients who does not even know how to turn on their mobile phones (can we even call that trouble shooting and technical support?)... all those tiring works and the poor (and mostly as what Kuya Gary termed:"YUMMY") Call center guys are there ready to help...so here is my hypothetical overview of a call center agent, as I told kuya Gary:

Call Center Guys:

1. Always wears a coat or a sweater when in the office.

2. Always in a Casual attire

3. Majority smokes during break time

4. Majority Loiter around the restaurant in the lobby at i1 or i2 after office hours

5. Majority goes to drink after working hours

6. Majority Logs to chats and gays sites (don't deny! you surf on PR, Manjam and chat on #bi-cebu and then add them up on your face book) during free time

7. majority Fucks around during day off....

8. Majority goes to Mango Avenue if their day off falls on a Saturday night

but for kuya Gary its different, during day off he will either do one of the two things:

1. Go meet cosplay friends...or

2.Pay the taxi driver to do extra service other than driving...

But all these trolling, all this sarcasm...all these bullying only filters down to one things..I miss the memories of going out on the hot star painted evening...as the call center agents pass us by, we (me, Kuya Gary, Jap, Mavs and Lady Gaga a.k.a Cedric) will lie on the grass and look on to the night sky. We pick on each other and joke around....I guess I lost my sarcasm....now that I am older...Although I never felt alone (because I have my <(")....... ) I still feel sad sometimes to walk in the evening on the bustling cars and recall the same night when I was still 20 years old in Cebu and goofing around...the laughing and the screaming and the talks if Cedie was really sucking someone other than Mavs... The talks about Jap and his smiles..of Gary and his belly....

I really do miss those days, when I was still in Cebu, but I come to realize that I must move forward, to where my heart belong...My eyes are in front of my head to walk on not walk back...I really don't know what lies ahead of me, but as long as I am loved and happy and keeping that happiness and love to power up my life, then "go"...everything will be alright...I am looking at the horizon and I don't know what tomorrow will offer me but I will keep moving on and walk the trail less traveled and make a mark there, one small step at a time.

I remember back when Kuya Gary's mouth (filled tokwas) talks about friendship then sucking a friend's tool (okay lets make it his pseudo-boy friend's tool),

It was during these years that I realize the lesson: "No matter how your friend wants you on his bed...friendship is still way more better than sex....."

~Thursdays with Maurons

UnHoly Week, Palm (on the Face) Sunday: Trolling on Jesus Christ

Palm Sunday, and I its a good thing I am so many miles away from my province (aand tribe) or else I have to force myself to wake up 4:00 am in the morning to join on the traditional "Adlaw sa Lucay" (Day of the Palms). I remember way back in childhood, so many palm leaves are being sold and crafted to so many designs, to a point I can imagine a palm tree stripped naked, and raped until it's virginity is like pureed Tisa milkshake (one of the most disgusting shakes I have ever tasted, its sold near St. Therese Church in Lahug just a few blocks from the old St. Jude's School, now the JY Square extension (anyway you try going to the JY Square mall CR 2nd floor if you want to have a quickie fun).

Okay back to the main topic, if you can observe one single phrase that all priest will say during (Un)Holy Week: "Jesus suffered and died on the cross for our sins" and I always roll my eyeballs and say to myself "Here we go again.", I come to realize the church is a brainwasher to gain followers....legions and legions of hypocrites who goes to the church to do the drama and then after mass goes out then starts to philander around...(not to mention the priest who enjoy slapping the faces of his altar boys in the said church...I wonder if he is still there...).

He suffered and died on the cross, so what? But I never told him to do that, and in the first place why would I allow him to suffer for me, he did it on his sole purpose of being glorified, obviously. He claims to be the son of the Christian god, but his way of thinking confuses me (a lot), and he use Judas Escariot to be his scape goat,he should thank Judas for betraying him cause if it was not for him he could not have took domination over many people in the present date. Anyway, I never told Jesus to suffer and die on the cross for me and he never consulted me on the first place, and the people at that time are idiots and naive too (same as him).

I mean why in the world would you talk about a new religion to a region where there is already an existing religion? His trolling did not even succeeded in the place where he was born, same old religion...There is no wondering people will want him nailed on the cross during his time, its like talking about let's drink bitter beer in a community who only drinks plain water, If I am on my right mind I wont go "Hey ya know I am the son of God" in a conservative religion who is waiting for the messiah. He was such determined to be nailed on the cross that he step foot on his enemies grounds, if I were him I rather go to places where religion is not that systematic and start to preach there and reap the harvest of my efforts later.

Anyway, as to all those brain washed people will I don't mind them but for me, I rather use my brain than being brained washed by those altar men who slaps the faces of his altar boys, oh wait I forgot...who also loves to play with altar boys in the middle of the night...

So here are some points that I want to say:

1. Jesus did not ask my permission that he be nailed on the cross (so there is no point telling me he suffered on the cross for me, its plain stupidity).

2. He made some stupid decision by going back to the place where people hates him (Bad Idea).

3.He build a new world order in a region with a systematic form of religion (Another Bad Idea).

4.He preached a new word to naive people who are so frustrated about their politics (Another more Bad Idea).

5.He neurotic if he said "I am the son of God" in front of angry men (Another more more bad idea).

The "Kiddo" (1985-2006), just a side story

Before the vigilante "Lucifer Martinez" stepped into lime light, before people knew finest killer "Trez de Judas", before the police were looking for the "Satanic Jake", before the public knew the "Frenzy", there was the "Kiddo". "Kiddo" ruled the streets and the night, he was one of the finest in his town. Old schools call him the grim reaper, merciless and cold, he would walk on the hot, lonely nights patrolling his territory. Many young bloods fear the "kiddo", he surely is a man of words and a man of killer instincts as well.

Many stories linger around his name, some said he was a drug dealer, other said he sells weapon, some say he kills people for money and the police says his just a lone criminal eager for the public's attention. But to whatever reason "Kiddo" was one of the best known people in the underworld, he was the youngest and one of the most feared. Some say he can make the earth tremble with the shot of a single bullet, he can take down 5 people with his single knife and he can kill a man 5 kilometers away.

The "Kiddo" disappeared after the Siege of Duljo, no tracks were found to where he was after that and as to where he is now no one knows, but one thing is for sure....the "kiddo" is just around there somewhere ready to step up again.....

Until we meet again..."Kiddo"....the world is waiting for your return...

Re-Introduction

After 4 years of ignoring this blog I am back again, I got another blog from multiply: explainer.multiply.com, which talks basically the same issue here, but in this blog I prefer to have more attacks whereas the other one is more friendlier in atmosphere.

Ok let's begin the re-introduction, I am 25 years old now and while I was reading this blog I never realize that I can write such great bull crap. I will not hold you much though lets just run through some things in my life for the past few years that I have not blogged:

5. I just sat down the United Nations Regional Meeting on Special Session in Bangkok Thailand.

4. I sat down with great leaders from around the globe.

3. I passed the Chemical engineering license exam last 2009.

2.I graduated the BS (not an acronym of Bull Shit) Chemical Engineering

1. I am still Philippine's Troll King.

and while I was gone and away, I made some new friends and a handful of haters. Unlike when I was still in my early age where I fall in and out of love, I am now settled down, no more craps that love life brings....its time to get down and dirty I am getting old and the shits are getting stinkier too. With all the topsy-truvy antics that I have, it seems like the world is getting more complex as I grow older. Problems are harder to solve than the calculus equation I used to derive and damn it far more difficult than deriving equations.

Oh well, I still think that some people does not use their brains well, even though they have the capacity to think, some people are earning money while sitting down while some are earning less while working hard. I learn so many things in the past 4 years but one thing is for sure: Penguins are the only animal in the planet that can stick to a single mate for the rest of their lives.