Saturday, June 4, 2011

Feeling Sorry For Myself

I just realize I am the best failure ever born in this planet. My loss outnumbered my victory, I look around me, I ponder at my past and I keep asking myself if things happen for a purpose, then why are these things happening to me? the hardest part is looking for the explanation why it happened. I have lost so many good people, I have betrayed so many loved ones, I have made people turned their backs on me because of my stupid decisions. What is there for me in the future?WHAT?! I NEED ANSWERS! People say the answer lies within me but all I can say is "I DON'T KNOW! I UTTERLY DON'T KNOW!"

Yes, my life is running in circles now, the cycle seems to happen: I started as a nobody that sleeps and eats at the corner of the street picks a fight with the other hoodlooms from the other hood, roam around aimlessly, then people start to see my potential, they develop me send me to other places to help, then I think I got everything, fall in love, falls out of love, betray the person I love then here I am again back to a nobody....and the cycle goes on and on and on...I really hate it when I am angry, I make so many stupid mistakes....decisions I will soon regret...

I guess I am no master of my own life, and I am still a hard headed person...I refuse to learn the lessons from my mistake....Loneliness and boredom have become my companion now, I feel empty most of the time, there is nothing to look forward to the next day, no spark in the eyes, the sun seems to shine normally, the clouds pass by without magic...life has become empty again, I think silence is embracing me, and how painful life can be.... only the person who have experience loneliness can feel the nostalgic melancholy of the simple things life can bring....

I realized how valuable people are only when they have left you, I realize how important human relationships are only when you are deprived of it, I realized that laughter is more than laughter but an expression of gratitude, smile is more than a gesture of acceptance and appreciation and the human touch is more than intimacy....

Sometimes, I think, I would be grateful if I never wake up in my sleep and stay in my dreams for the rest of my life....I just got a good sleep for 2 straight days..and I dreamed of a place, a warm lovely place, like heaven, I a meadow full of brown wheat, a farmyard and a snow capped mountain, I saw a spring, birds and farm animals, I hear children's laughter, I feel happy,it was heaven....then I woke up and back to reality and I said:

"FUCK, WHERE AM I?"
~Strapped in a hospital bed.....................

8 comments:

Frenzy said...

looks like the hero is on emo mode! Welcome back sir!

Think Master said...

YOU! I DEMAND YOU DELETE YOUR POST!

Frenzy said...

well well well looks like someone is being stubborn again well sir let me remind you of the stupid things you did:

1.) You just went into a fight, that you know you will totally loose but you still went into a fight! YOUR NOT PLAYING HERO! YOU JUST WANT TO FORGET SOMETHING! (OH YEAH WAIT! WAIT! OR SOMEONE!)

2.) You kicked the nurse and tried to escape the hospital without playing your bills

3.) You just ignored the girl's thank you when she said her gratitudes to you...

4.) You gave me your middle finger while I was looking out for you....

5.) You are so stubborn you could have just sms me so that both of us could have taken over the thugs...you said to me "four fists are better than two!" remember?!

Think Master said...

LIAR! IT NOT TRUE! LIAR! LIAR!

Frenzy said...

shall I say More? HAHAHAHAHAHA >:)

Think Master said...

PLEASE KID DONT PISS ME OFF! SHUT UP!

Frenzy said...

im just joking boss, I know your sad cause you can't go out..thats what you usually do when you sick..you go on emo mode.....

ask4bhutan said...

hahahaha lol